


so if you love someone, you should let them know

by atlantisairlock



Category: Actor RPF, American Actor RPF, Person of Interest (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, F/F, First Kiss, Injury Recovery, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 05:19:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6891766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlantisairlock/pseuds/atlantisairlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah breaks Amy's tailbone. A lot of other good and bad comes out of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so if you love someone, you should let them know

**Author's Note:**

> prompt by anonymous: something angsty with a happy ending. set during S5 filming or perhaps as they're wrapping the series. i'm kinda hung up on sarah's reaction to breaking amy's tailbone. they're not together at the start of the fic.
> 
> title from 'everglow' by coldplay.

Amy likes it rough.

Okay, no - that makes it just sound wrong, in every sense of the word. More accurately - Amy likes all the action scenes. She likes fighting on-screen, she likes the stunts, she likes roughing people up and getting roughed up - so long as it's all in front of the camera, of course. They do a Buzzfeed interview one time, where their interviewer asks who's the most into all the blood and bruising they see on the show - she, Jim, Michael, Taraji and Kevin all write  _AMY_ on their whiteboards, while Amy just throws her head back and laughs, without shame. 

And hey, Sarah can roll with that, you know? She's not all that enthusiastic about fake punches and all the time spent with the makeup artists blossoming bruises onto her skin, but rough scenes are fun enough. Rough sex scenes? Even better - she's got more experience in those, frankly, what with her time on the L Word. 

Amy's excited for this one. Honestly, Sarah is too, and not just because Amy's exhilaration is easily infectious. She likes the plot of the episode, likes the twist, and likes that they're giving the fans what they so desperately want to see while leaving the promise of more. There are body doubles available, but both of them are good with just going through the whole scene, so why not? 

The first few takes aren't great, so they go through a lot of plates but the atmosphere is light and Amy's laughing and keeping anything from boiling over, so it's fine, everything is fine, until. 

Does she misjudge her strength, or the angle, or both? Sarah's not sure - all she knows is that Amy hits the table  _wrong._ She feels it in the involuntary shudder down her spine and the sudden slack of her legs around Sarah's waist. It seems like there's a beat of silence stretching out far too long before Amy starts screaming. 

She has the sense, at least, not to drop her on instinct out of sheer shock and the volume of her cries so close to her own ears. Chris, on the other hand, all but dumps his script onto the floor and rushes over, as does everyone in the room. Suddenly everyone's crowding around her and pushing Sarah out of the way and she's dazed, her hands are shaking, what the hell just happened, what happened, what did she do? 

"Oh my god." She hears Amy gasping from atop the table, breathing faster and harder and shallower. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god - "

Someone calls for an ambulance and the paramedics whisk her away, sirens screeching. Filming's cancelled for the rest of the day. 

Sarah leaves the set feeling like she's falling apart.

 

 

Chris updates them later in a mass text message:  _Amy's tailbone is broken. The doctors don't think it'll do her any lasting damage, and there's no danger of paralysis, but she'll need some time to recover._

A lot is said after that in the group chat, worry and fretting and discussing how to shift filming schedules around, but Sarah ignores it all in favour of shooting off a quick reply.  _Where is she?_

 

 

The hospital Amy's being warded in refuses to let her in before visiting hours begin at nine in the morning. She can't sleep, she can't eat, all she can do is pace around until some high-ranking nurse gets sick of the endless thud of her sneakers against the tiles and just opens the door for her, then leaves.

The courage drains from her in that instant she's allowed entrance. 

It's her fault. It's her fault and she  _knows_ it. She screwed up the scene, she let Amy get hurt, and is she even thinking straight? Why is she here? 

Sarah almost turns on her heel and leaves right then, but then Amy turns her head towards the door and sees her. "Sarah?"

 _Shit._ Sarah reluctantly takes a step into the room, trying to find her voice. "Hey. Um. You okay?"

She regrets the question the moment it comes out of her mouth - it's so stupid. Of course Amy isn't okay. She's laid up in bed with a broken tailbone for at least two months and it's  _all her fault._ Amy seems to recognise how ridiculous it is too, which is probably why she doesn't answer. Instead she beckons for Sarah to come closer. She does - what else can she do?

"It's not your fault, Sarah," Amy stresses, once Sarah's by her bedside and she's got one hand on her wrist. "It was just an accident." 

It's not lost on her how Amy doesn't answer her question.

 

 

After the first visit, Sarah doesn't go back. They do nine weeks' worth of scenes that don't involve Amy, or are second unit shots that utilise her stunt double. It's a busy two months and it keeps her distracted and they're all frazzled enough trying to squeeze everything into the limited time they have that nobody bugs her about why she's conspicuously absent from all the hospital visits they manage to organise despite the tight schedules. 

Sarah can't face her, she just  _can't._

She's never gotten one of her castmates hurt in line of filming before. 

It really feels like shit. 

 

 

Amy returns ten weeks later with that familiar beam on her face and a chirpy attitude, all ready to get into full swing again. The first scene she does is one in the subway, just hovering around the Machine with Michael by her side, and that's okay. Sarah can breathe easy, it's sedate.

The next scene is a fight scene, first unit. Chris asks Amy if she's  _sure_ she's okay with doing it. Amy shrugs him off and reassures him with that devil-may-care tone of hers.

"No." Sarah steps in before she can fully process what she's saying. "Chris, use her stunt double."

Silence settles on the set. Amy goes perfectly still for five long seconds, then turns to her with steel in her eyes. "I'm sorry?" 

She won't be cowed, not now. Sarah refuses to avert her gaze. "You shouldn't be doing any rough scenes. You're not in the condition for them. Use your double."

The coldest smile she's ever seen appears on Amy's face. "And what would you know about my condition, Sarah, considering you didn't come to see me in the hospital  _once_ in eight weeks? If you don't have a clue what you're talking about, please kindly stay out of this. No doubles. I don't need them, Chris, and I don't need anyone telling me what I can and can't do."

Every single word Amy says feels like a slug in the gut. Sarah gets up and stalks out of the room, well aware of the frosty atmosphere finding its way onto the set. 

Huh. She's really good at screwing shit up. 

 

 

Jim finds her in her trailer, later, picking at some food. "You should go talk to Amy."

Sarah makes a noncommittal noise that indicates irritation, but he presses on. "Sarah, come on, I get where you were coming from and why you'd want to protect her - but she is right. You don't get to make decisions for her. Especially not when you didn't see her through the recovery process. Speaking of which, why didn't you ever go and see her?" He rolls his eyes when she raises her eyebrows. "I do notice things, you know."

"I didn't..." She chews on her fork, feeling foolish. "I didn't think she'd want to see me," she finishes lamely.

"Try again, Sarah," Jim answers firmly, and she huffs. "Because I'm a fucking coward, is that the answer you wanted to hear? God, Jim, I landed her in hospital for two months. Two months with a broken tailbone. Two months in pain and two months away from filming and two months healing from some stupid fracture  _I_ was the cause of, I - " 

"It's not like she blames you for it."

"That's worse!" Sarah shouts, tossing the fork against the wall. "I just don't want to see her get hurt again, okay? Not if I can do anything about it. I would - it would fucking screw with me." There's no better way to put it.

It takes her a while to notice Jim staring at her with a look of... something on his face. Some understanding, some revelation, a sort of sympathy. She stares back at him. "What?"

"Nothing," he says. "We should get back to set." 

"Yeah, okay," Sarah replies, not feeling it at all.

 

 

It's a bad afternoon. It's gloomy, they mess up a lot of scenes, Chris gets frustrated and so do all the camera operators. They manage to plow through it, but it's not fun, it's not enjoyable, and nobody's happy with what they've gotten out of the day. Amy ignores her except for when they need to discuss something crucial to the scenes, and Sarah feels upset, and more than that, guilty. 

She finally seeks Amy out at crafty, after swallowing her pride. "I'm sorry."

Amy looks up at her from the chocolate tarts she's putting on a plate. Her face is a mask of cool professionalism, but it softens when she sees the earnest sincerity in Sarah's eyes. "You're forgiven." 

"No, wait," Sarah continues, feeling desperation creeping into her voice. "Amy - I'm - I'm sorry. Not just for what happened today, it was just a jerk move on my part, but I'm sorry for the past two months. For everything you must have been going through and putting you in that position." 

Amy waits for ten seconds after Sarah's done, long enough for her to feel uncomfortable, before she responds. "That's all?"

Despair breaks over her like a tide. "What did I miss out?"

"You're not sorry you didn't come and see me for eight weeks? You're not sorry that every time the crew came to visit I'd be looking out for you in valiant hope but you'd never be there?" 

She's towering over Sarah in her heels and at that height, but she sounds young and small and anguished. There's more in that question than she's saying, but Sarah can't speak, can't find the words. Amy puts the tarts down, takes a step closer. "I missed you." Her voice breaks. "I thought I meant something to you." 

 _You mean everything to me,_ Sarah thinks, all sudden realisations and overwhelming understanding. 

"Aren't you going to  _say_ something?"

"I'm sorry," Sarah repeats. It sounds so inadequate, but she just can't seem to - just  _say it._

Amy's looking at her, disappointed and hurt. "That's not what I wanted to hear."

She leaves. 

And yeah, Sarah thinks, she's still too much of a fucking coward to chase her.

 

 

She ends up flopping down on a chair in Jim's trailer and covering her eyes with her arm. "Did you know I was in love with Amy?"

"Yeah," he deadpans. "Just me and oh, I don't know - Michael, Chris, Denise, and the entirety of the crew, craft services inclusive." 

Sarah glares at him. "That's not funny."

"But still true." 

Suddenly she wants to cry, suddenly it's just too much, and Sarah wonders just when this started, because she can't even pinpoint it any longer - it's always been Amy. How has she only just noticed?

"Sarah..." Jim says, coming over to her and kneeling by her side. "Just tell her." 

"I don't know if I can."

"She loves you." 

And she's terrified. 

 

 

She stays terrified, paralysed by inaction, until two weeks later, when Amy falls during a stunt on-set and nearly _dies_. She makes it out unscathed, just shaken, only because she has a soft landing on a bunch of mats that aren't supposed to be there, but thankfully are. She laughs it off, and the crew try to, too. 

Sarah asks for take five, grabs her by the wrist and pulls her to a secluded corner to talk. "Why the hell are you so insistent on throwing yourself back into the thick of filming when you aren't at your 100% yet?" 

"Like you care," Amy answers, and she can't do this any more, not after Amy  _nearly died_ in front of her. Sarah tries to imagine a world without seeing Amy's smile, hearing Amy's laugh, and comes up naught. She reaches up to cup Amy's cheek in the curve of her palm. "I do care. I do."

The silence stretches out, and Amy's eyes seem too bright in their little corner. Her hands slide around Sarah's waist to pull her closer, their bodies flush against each other. "Sarah, I love you." 

She shivers at the truth of it, the way the world seems to make sense now more than ever before, and lets a sigh escape her lips as they meet Amy's own. "I know." 

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: buzzfeed interview doesn't exist. made it up for plot purposes. 
> 
> i don't own person of interest or cbs or warner, etc. i don't know any of the cast personally. i don't profit from this fic; it's just for fun. this fic isn't meant to be in character or to represent anything happening in real life or whatever. no insinuations or disrespect meant towards any of the cast or their families or their respective spouses et al. probably really incorrect wrt all the technical bits bc i haven't had much prior experience in the film industry. aka everything i've written in this fic is FICTIONAL. for ENJOYMENT.
> 
> please for the love of god DON'T come to the comments section going off about how rpf is Disrespectful and Gross and Wrong and Weird - which seems to be a trend on shacker fics - unless you intend to comment the exact same thing on every single phan and one direction and hockey fic that exists on this site as well. it's just annoying.


End file.
